Having run a beer blog for about six months now, I’ve been regularly surprised (and in some cases shocked) at the various search terms people are using to find my little corner of the Web. Based on that, I’ve decided to take a moment to address some of the more pressing questions and issues that apparently are floating around out there in the beer world.

1. “Two Hearted Fish” or “Two Hearted Ale Fish”
Collectively, I’ve received hundreds of hits based on these search terms. Everyone wants to know what the hell fish is depicted on the label of Bell’s Two Hearted Ale. And based on my amateur zoological opinion and salmon fishing experience, it’s definitely a rainbow trout. But to be more specific, I think the name of the beer is actually an homage to “Big Two-Hearted River”, an Ernest Hemingway story that chronicles the main character’s efforts to cope with post-traumatic stress disorder after World War I by traveling to the Big Two-Hearted River in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula to go trout fishing and commune with nature. It’s either that, or the folks at Michigan-based Bell’s just really enjoy fly fishing on the river.

2. “Surly Darkness”
Far and away the number one hit-getter on my site. Everyone seems to want to know when Darkess is coming out (presumably around Halloween again, but distribution channels are up in the air given the stupid new state production laws) or how to make a clone recipe. Not exactly sure on the clone, but I do know they use eight different malt varieties with a load of hops to balance it out. I think it’s safe to say there’s a fair amount of black patent and high Lovibond Crystal in there.

3. “Unibroue Pronunciation”
Yeah, I’m not exactly sure on how to say it either. I always go with “uni-brow” or sometimes “uni-bro” but that might not be accurate. I also get alot of people wondering about pronunciation of La Fin du Monde (coincidentally made by Unibroue). I took a couple years of French class in high school, so you’d think I would know. But I didn’t pay very good attention because I generally spent most of my junior year gawking at my very attractive 21-year-old student teacher from the U of M.

4. “Captain’s Chair”
Pretty obvious why search engines bring people to my site based on this term. But it’s frightening to me how many people are really interested in buying a life-size replica of Captain Kirk’s chair from the set of Star Trek. My site is not, and never will be, a place to find information about the Starship Enterprise, United Federation of Planets, or why Klingons looked different during the original 1960’s show compared to the subsequent films and TV series. Shit…I should just erase those words lest I get a ton of weirdo Trekkies frequenting my site now.

5. “Calories in Hop Slam”
Another Bell’s search term. Considering I haven’t even reviewed this beer yet, I find it intriguing that people get to my site trying to find info on it. I googled the term and couldn’t really find much on the caloric content either, but did happen across this site that I may never look at again for fear that I’ll start thinking about the number of calories I’m putting in my body every time I sit down to enjoy a few craft brews. Based on the list on that site, I’d put Hop Slam in the 275-300 calorie neighborhood. I don’t even want to know about DFH 120.

6. “Best Macro Beer”
I laugh every time I see this one. I envision some guy sitting at his computer, seriously contemplating how he’s going to spend the $8 he has burning a hole in his pocket for a 12-pack of fine American pilsner. 

And finally, some one-off odd terms from along the way:

  • Sex chair
  • Nice Rack #3
  • 101st Airborne
  • Fishing stoned
  • Coors Light best beer ever
  • Muskie tackle widowmaker
  • Is a B minus in college good?
  • Liver spots
  • Apartments in Minneapolis
  • Sarah Palin hot governor
  • Scrabble strategy